worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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