You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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