Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
