its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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