the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
