Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
