My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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