and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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