i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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