My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
