Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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