I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
