So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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