Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You took a bar mat shot.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
