he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
