3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
