I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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