do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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