3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
