I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
