I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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