i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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