you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
