just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
