A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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