tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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