Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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