yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
