i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
