And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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