I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
