were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
