Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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