i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
