At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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