I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
