new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
