Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
