he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
