Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
