Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
