I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
