I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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