My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
