my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
