great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she looked like the before picture.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
