Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
