is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am midnight drunk by noon
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
