I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
