Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The Olympian is in my bed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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