Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
