is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
