so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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