so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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