What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's always time for handjobs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
