shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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